If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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