Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize