a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this hospital has no fireball
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
