You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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