Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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