After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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