I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
