It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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