Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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