my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
