I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
