ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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