yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
