have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
