By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
