i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i came on her dog
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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