new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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