Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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