Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
