The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
