Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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