i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
