I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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