Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
