We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
