I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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