someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
