the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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