I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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