and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
