At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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