fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
