No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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