so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
