I am puke
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
