Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
