I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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