Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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