I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
