Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
