The best revenge is premature balding
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
