my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
