we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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