Can i not drive my cunt home
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
