apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
