Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
