have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
