Is it because I queefed?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
