i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
