well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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