i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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