i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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