walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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