dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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