im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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