I puked a lego.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A bitchslap is in order.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
