maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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