I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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