I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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