I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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