He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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