Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
