Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
